“You have only one person to forgive in your journey and that is yourself. You are the judge. You are the jury. And you are the prisoner. An unholy trinity, to be sure! Loosen up, my friend. Everything you think you did to others is just a form of self-punishment.” (Paul Ferrini, Love Without Conditions, page 142)
Being social beings, it's very much possible that the words, actions and attitudes of others hurt us. They inflict deep wounds which cry out for revenge. Our natural tendency is to get even with the people who hurt us so that we enjoy a kind of momentary victory through which the wounds we suffered seem to disappear. Thus we knowingly or unknowingly employ our own attitudes, words and actions to punish the person who attempted to hurt us.
However, does it really work? Can any revengeful attitude, word or action make us feel better and enjoy peace? It's a proven fact that our revengeful attitude can only hurt us more and make us feel more miserable. It takes away our peace of mind, lessens our capacity to rest, relax and interact with others, and badly affects our emotional, mental and bodily health. It, in effect is a self punishment. If we, on the contrary, take the less trodden path of forgiveness and reconciliation, the consequence is peace, serenity and joy. This, contrary to popular understanding, is not a route to defeat, but to real victory. It's the defeat of evil with good, passion with reason and division with love.
While our natural tendency is to take all out revenge, we have stories of people who daily, practice the virtue of forgiveness in their homes, in their work places, in schools and colleges, play grounds, organisations, etc. All of these are unsung but heroic acts of victory over evil and healing of divisions. But some such acts stand out as beacons for others to see and follow. Gladys Staines chose the path of forgiveness and so she emerged victorious against the evil of bigotry. Blessed John Paul II went to the prison cell and held the hands of his own attempted murderer and thereby defeated revenge. Jesus Christ unleashed his forgiving love from the cross and prayed: “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Lk 23:34).
