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Kaimlet

Fr Jose Kaimlet, is a catholic priest known all over the world mostly for his humanitarian service life and the big collection of thought provoking moral stories, ‘Tonic for the Spirit’. Kaimlet is a committed social worker, who has spent much of his time among the aged and the destitute far and wide. So far he has established many rehabilitation centres and old age homes. Since 2014, he is fully in Tanzania and now building a cancer hospital at Msolwa village in Ujamaa.

What Have You Done?

“I was hungry, and you formed a humanities club, and discussed my hunger.

I was imprisoned, and you crept of quietly to your chapel in the cellar and prayed for my release.

I was naked, and in your mind you debated the morality of my appearance.

I was sick, and you knelt and thanked God for your good health.

I was homeless, and you preached to me the spiritual shelter of the love of God.

I was lonely, and you left me alone to pray for me.

You seem so holy, so close to God:

But I am still very hungry, and lonely and cold.

So where have your prayers gone? What have they done?

What does it profit a man to go through his book of prayers, when the rest of the world is crying for help.

-Bob Rawland

By Kaimlet on 18-08-2017

Fanaticism

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

“Well, there’s so much to live for!” “Like what?”

“Well… are you religious?” He said,  “yes.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

“Christian.”

“Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?

“Protestant.”

“Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist”

“Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

“Baptist Church of God!”

“Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God!”

“Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!”

I said, “Scum! Die, heretic”, and pushed him off.

By Kaimlet on 09-08-2017

I know better

Many years ago, native Indian youths would go away in solitude on what is called a vision quest to prepare for manhood. One such youth hiked into a beautiful valley, green with trees and bright with flowers. There he fasted and prayed. But on the third day, as he looked up at the mountains, he noticed one tall rugged peak, capped with dazzling snow.

“I will test myself against that mountain,” he said to himself. He put on his buckskin shirt, threw his blanket over his shoulders and set off to climb the peak. When he reached the top, he gazed out from the rim of the world. He could see forever and his heart swelled with pride. Then he heard a rustle of leaves at his feet, and looking down, he saw a slithering snake. Before he could move, the snake spoke.

“I am about to die,” whispered the snake. “It is too cold for me up here; I’m freezing. There is no food and I am starving. Put me under your shirt where I will be warm and take me down to the valley.”

“No way,” said the youth. “I’m forewarned. I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. If I pick you up, you will bite, and your bite will kill me.”

“No, not so,” said the snake. “I will treat you differently. If you do this for me, you will be special to me, and I will not harm you.”

The youth resisted a while, but this was a very persuasive snake with beautiful diamond markings. At last the youth tucked the snake under his buckskin shirt and carried it down to the valley. There he placed it gently on the grass. Suddenly the snake coiled, rattled and struck, biting the youth on the leg.

“But you promised….” Cried the youth.

“You were forewarned, you said, and you knew what I was when you picked me up,” said the snake and slithered away.

Comment: Forewarned should be forearmed. But the youth eventually succumbed to the persuasion and the beauty of the snake. When he picked up the snake, he must have said to himself, “may be other snakes, but not this one. I should know better.” That is exactly what happens to us when we succumb too. “I know better.”

By Kaimlet on 31-07-2017

Anybody There?

One of the most valued employees of the Organization had been on sick leave one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, the boss dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. “Hello?”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mummy there?”
“Yes.”
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A hello-copper” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: “ME”

Comment: We are capable of causing a hell of trouble or a world of worry and anxiety to others, especially to those who care for us; worse still, we could also be so callous and insensitive so as to enjoy it too.

By Kaimlet on 21-07-2017

Don’t Touch Me!

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “Yes,” so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.” The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches.  He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there, sweet thing. How’s about gettin’ me a cold glass of Coke! “He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that God’s boy over there?” The waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, “On my bill.”

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out of the door. Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out of the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, “Don’t touch me…I’m drawin’ disability (pension).”

Comment: God and religion are all fine, as long they do not touch me, much less my way of life or my pocket.

By Kaimlet on 11-07-2017

Limping Horse  

A nobleman’s prized racehorse began to limp for no apparent reason. Veterinarians who were called found nothing wrong with the leg – no fracture, no sprain, no soreness – and they were baffled. The nobleman finally consulted a sage, a man known for his wisdom.

“Has anything changed for the horse in the last few months?” he asked.

“I changed his trainer a few weeks ago,” said the nobleman.

“Does the horse get on well with his new trainer?”

“Very well! In fact, he’s devoted to him.”

“Does the trainer limp?”

“Uh… yes, he does.”

“The reason for the horse’s limp is clear,” said the sage. “He’s imitating his handler.” The nobleman put the horse in the charge of another trainer, and the horse soon stopped limping. 

We tend to imitate those whom we admire. The company we keep, good or bad, has great influence on us.

By Kaimlet on 23-06-2017

Your Duck is Dead!

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said

“I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed,
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.  He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.  As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. Then the cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”  The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “just to tell me my duck is dead!”

The vet shrugged,

“I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been only $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”

Note: In recent times, incredibly large varieties of diagnostic techniques are available. Neither the doctor nor the patient is satisfied unless the most modern, which is also the most expensive, test is done before an “aspirin” is administered.

In the field of medical sciences, “specialization” is the word of the day. There are specialist for the right thumb and the left thumb.  It is almost sure that the simplest of diseases will be first categorised in the most terminal class before administering even a simple tablet. In most cases the situation is as simple as your duck is dead.

By Kaimlet on 21-06-2017